Behind the Iron Mask
by Bellatrix-Lestrange527
Summary: It wasn't an accident that Tony was the one to divert the nuke. He had once said that there was always a way out...and this was his. Steve regrets what was said and comes to discover the truth behind Tony's self-destructive nature. Maybe they have something in common? Themes of suicide/depression/alcoholism
1. His Way Out

No Title:

A/N: Alright, so I'm hopping on the apology boat here. I know this idea has been done before, but I want to do it without the romantic element. And of course, with my darker nature, naturally I have identified with Tony Stark. I've always believed there is a lot of painful complex layers to him and I love to explore his character. I hope you all enjoy!

* * *

Steve Rogers watched with blurred vision as Tony Stark flew toward the open portal with the nuke firmly in hand. Small stabs of guilt began to weave their way through his gut. Less than twenty-four hours priorhe had told the man that he knew others worth ten of him. And as Ironman entered the portal, Captain America thought he had sorely misjudged the "Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist".

The team waited with bated breath and false hope for Tony to come back through with a narcissistic comment on his lips about having to save the city himself. But it never came.

With regret, Captain America gave the order, "Close it".

Instantly the guilt twisted in him like a knife before it seemed to explode, tearing him apart. He looked away from the hole with despair. Natasha did as she was told and reluctantly shoved Loki's scepter into the center of the machine. The team watched with grief stricken eyes as the beam of energy retracted and the portal began to close. And at the last second, when it almost seemed impossible, Tony flew through the portal.

"Son of a gun!" Steve laughed with obvious shock.

But he wasn't flying. He was falling. Fast. He was either unconscious or otherwise unable to stop.

"He's not slowing down." Thor said next to him, starting to swing his hammer.

The unofficial leader of the dysfunctional squad could only watch in horror as the son of his friend plummeted toward the ground. Thor wouldn't make it in time. But in a flash of green, Stark was snatched out of the air. Bruce cradled Tony close to his chest as they crashed into the streets of Manhattan, shielding him from the force of their landing. Rubble and dust seemed to rain from their explosive impact. Steve and Thor rushed to their fallen friends as the Hulk none-too-gently tossed Stark off of him. Thor wasted no time ripping the iron mask away from Stark's unmoving form. Steve barely contained a gasp of panic as he noticed the man was not breathing. Nor was the light of his chest piece glowing. He may not know much about today's technology, but he knew the thing in Stark's chest was supposed to keep him alive. Steve placed his hand over Tony's heart before sitting back in defeat.

Tony Stark was dead. He gave his life to save the team…to save the city, all the while knowing that he would probably die in the process. The shame and remorse flared full force in the Captain's chest. Some of the last words he had spoken to Stark were horrible. Wrong. Unwarranted. He had practically told him that he didn't belong on this team. He told him he was nothing. A violent, angry roar from the Hulk startled him from his thoughts of self-loathing.

"What the hell?" Tony gasped.

Steve could only look at him with blatant disbelief. He was alive?

"What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me!"

_'I really could kiss you right about now!' _the Captain thought.

But Tony's facetious comment was left unanswered. Instead, Steve just leaned back and let go of the breath he hadn't known he had been holding. And all at once, the reality of the situation hit him and he began to take deep breaths to replace the panic he felt with relief.

"We won." He finally said.

"Alright, hey! Good job guys! Let's just not come in tomorrow. Let's take a day." Tony replied with his all-too famous lack of seriousness before looking to Bruce. "You every try shawarma?"

The small group looked at the man in the iron suit with a look of disbelief.

"There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is but I want to try it."

Steve couldn't contain the breathy laugh that escaped him at the absurdity of the conversation.

"We're not finished yet." Thor interjected ominously.

The group looked to the Asgardian demigod with a long moment of silence.

"And then shawarma after."

* * *

Tony Stark stood on the uppermost floor of Stark Tower, soon to be Avenger's Tower, surveying the damage. It was two A.M. and sleep evaded him. So he thought he might as well be productive. He picked up a broom and began to sweep, attempting to take his mind off of the day's events. But the angry, self-depreciating thoughts forced themselves back to the forefront of his mind.

'Old stars and stripes was right.' Tony thought bitterly. He didn't belong on this team. All he had was money. Money that built a technologically advanced super suit that seemed to attract bad guys. He is worthless. And he _is _a self-absorbed prick. The world thought he diverted the nuclear missile to save the city. The team even thought that he did it, in part, for them.

'Not that I would tell anybody otherwise.' Tony snorted, throwing the broom violently against the wall.

Swearing under his breath, he moved over to the shattered window pane. Cautiously, as not to fall over the edge, he sat and looked out, letting his legs dangle. Solemnly, he gazed out over the ruin of New York City. With a pained sigh, Tony leaned to peer over the edge. Was it 108 or 109 floors? He couldn't remember. Either way it would be a long fall to the bottom. But it would be so easy just to lean a little too far. He would be dead before he could hit the ground.

_"Stark?"_

But he didn't want to die that way…there would be too much clean-up. He didn't want to disappoint Pepper or Rhodey either. Or, god forbid, anybody else who gave a damn.

_"Stark!" _

He was tired of disappointing people. He had disappointed his father all his life. And now, apparently, his childhood idol: the great Captain America!

_"Tony!" _

That really did feel wonderful; to be told you are nothing by the same person your father never shut up about. The person who you worshipped as a child. The same goddamn person who, sometimes, you wish was your father. But, like always, he shrugged it off with some witty comeback. At least with the portal he would have died a hero, not a coward. And nobody would know it was actually a suicide.

_"Tony, please!"_

He was brought out of his gruesome reverie by a panicked voice pleading behind him.

"Tony, please back away from the window."

"Relax Cap, it's not like I was going to jump." Tony smirked, inwardly cringing at the irony of the situation.

_At least he was being honest about something. _

But Tony's attempt at humor was not shared by the super-soldier. Without warning, Steve grasped the back of his shirt and yanked him roughly back into a safer part of the room.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Steve shouted angrily with a slight edge of panic.

"I was enjoying a wonderful view and a nice breeze! What the hell were _you_thinking? Sneaking up on someone hanging out a window!" Tony mocked as he poured himself another scotch.

Steve threw him a genuinely concerned glance. "I was trying to get your attention for five minutes."

"Long day." Stark shrugged. "So what brings America's poster boy up here at….three o'clock in the morning?"

"I heard a lot commotion. I came to investigate." He answered vaguely. "I also came to apologize."

"What for? You didn't do anything wrong." Tony replied, tossing back his drink before pouring another. "You gave me your opinion. Told me how it was. Nothing to apologize for."

"But I was wrong. I was wrong about what I said and I was wrong to even say it." Steve argued as he stepped closer to the dark-haired man.

"That's just it, Cap." Tony said gravely, downing another glass. "You weren't wrong. You were right about everything you said."

Steve just blanched.

"Don't look at me like that! You know it, I know it, hell, even my father knew it and I was just a kid!" Tony snapped.

"Stark, I don't understand. I'm just trying to apologize." The Captain tried again.

"I don't want your fucking apology!" Tony shouted as he threw his empty glass at the wall.

Bits of glass scattered across the floor, mingling with the dust, drywall, and concrete from the day's destruction. Steve recoiled as if he had been slapped. This was not going the way he had anticipated.

"I think you've had enough, Tony." Steve said calmly, wrenching the bottle out of his grasp.

"Hardly." He snorted as he simply reached in the cabinet and produced a new bottle.

"Tony, listen to me please! Sacrificing yourself to divert the nuke was the most selfless thing I have ever seen. I was wrong to say those things to you. And I'm sorry."

"And right there is the key! I wasn't trying to prove you wrong Rogers. Just the opposite, actually." Tony shouted, alcohol loosening his lips.

_He shouldn't be saying these things. _

"What are you trying to say?"

The Captain furrowed his brow in obvious confusion. Tony could have laughed at how innocent the young man was. He wouldn't understand. Tony clumsily stumbled away from the bar and attempted to push past the bigger man. He shouldn't be talking to him about any of this. It wasn't wise. But alcohol began to cloud his judgment. Steve moved to block his path and held him firmly in place by his shoulders.

"What are you trying to say, Tony?" He said slowly.

"I'm trying to say that going through that portal was the _most selfish _thing I have ever done! But apparently you haven't been listening!"

* * *

A/N: Well there is the first chapter. I anticipated doing a one-shot, but the words just kept coming so I'm going to make it a little long. Only 1 or 2 chapters more.


	2. Nowhere to Run

Behind the Iron mask:

A/N: Things are going to get slightly darker in this chapter. But there might be a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. Let me know what you think! I'm thinking of stopping it here and just wrapping it up with a small epilogue style chapter. What do you all think? Do you want me to continue to write their opening up to each other or jump to the happy ending?

-I don't own anything. All I own is this silly plot.

* * *

"What are you trying to say?" The Captain asked.

Steve stepped in front of the distressed man as he tried to end the discussion. Putting his hands on his shoulders, he got a better look at him. Tony was still in his suit pants and undershirt from earlier, though both were badly wrinkled. His usually impeccable black hair was disheveled and looked as bad as Steve had ever seen it. And his dark brown eyes were heavily bloodshot, but whether it was from exhaustion, alcohol, or holding back tears, he couldn't tell.

"I'm trying to say that going through that portal was the _most selfish _thing I have ever done. But apparently you haven't been listening!" He hissed through clenched teeth.

Tony's drunken words flooded Steve's mind, but he was having a lot of trouble comprehending them. He couldn't possibly mean what he was implying, could he? The alcohol finally seemed to hit him hard. Instead of tip-toeing around the subject, he finally let everything out in sorrowful rage.

"I didn't fly that thing up there for you, the team, or the rest of the fucking world!" Tony shouted. But at this point, Steve didn't think Tony was talking to him anymore, but rather himself. But still, he listened.

"I did it for Pepper, because after all I've put her through, she shouldn't have to discover my body. I did it for Rhodey too! Mostly so he wouldn't have to put up with me anymore. But I primarily did it for me! It was supposed to be for me!"

"Tony, did you …did you try to kill yourself?" Steve asked with confusion and alarm.

With a forceful shove, he pushed passed the bigger man away and stumbled to the door. Steve didn't follow, still trying to process the information Stark had laid before him.

"I can't even do that right." Tony answered in a raspy whisper from the doorway before entering the elevator.

Steve could only watch as the elevator doors closed and began its descent. He watched as the man broke in front of him. He had been wrong on every count about the young Tony Stark. He was the son of his friend, but he still treated him like the dirt underneath his shoes. And suddenly, he wondered how many other people have treated him like that? From what he heard, Howard Stark had not been a great father at all. What else could have possibly happened to make a man so callous to the rest of the world but so utterly broken on the inside? What else was he hiding behind the iron mask?

Steve swallowed hard as he attempted to rid himself of the guilt that seemed to make a permanent home in his chest when it came to Tony Stark. He didn't know how to fix him, but he knew he needed to make things right with Tony. He felt responsible. He felt responsible for his safety and well-being as unspoken leader of the Avengers. But he knew that he _wanted _to be there for Tony. He knew too that he played a large role in whatever haunted the billionaire. And deep down, he wanted to ease his pain. For some reason, it hurt him to see Tony hurting.

Then suddenly he panicked.

Tony had just expressed that he actively tried to take his own life and he had let him go! He just watched a suicidal man, a friend, walk away. He had to find him. Finally his legs caught up with his mind as he sprinted to the door, jabbing the elevator button repeatedly. But only after a few seconds, he grew impatient. This could not wait. He wrenched open the door to the emergency staircase and tore down the stairs. After ten flights, he paused briefly to see if the elevator had stopped. But to his dismay, the glowing numbers continued to descend.

"Damn it, Tony!" He mumbled before continuing down the stairs, resolving to catch up before he reached the bottom.

By the time he reached the halfway point, he had finally beat the elevator to the floor. Panting and out of breath, Steve again jabbed the down arrow with more force than was probably necessary. Suddenly, the doors slid open. He found him sitting in the corner of the small box with his heads in his hands. He was probably too drunk to stand. Without another thought, Steve stepped into the elevator and slammed the emergency stop button. In between two floors, the machine whirred and lurched to a grinding halt, plunging them into darkness. After a moment, the backup generator kicked in, giving the lights enough power to let off a faint, eerie yellow glow.

"Fancy meeting you here." Tony said half-heartedly from his position on the floor. He didn't even look up.

"We need to talk." Steve said seriously, sitting down against the opposite wall to face him. "And at least this way you can't run away again."

"You know, Cap, if all you wanted was elevator sex then all you had to do is ask."

Steve looked at him with eyes full of concern as he pleaded. "Please, Tony. I can't just pretend I didn't see and hear what I did tonight!"

"What does it matter to you?" He snapped, finally looking the blonde in the eyes.

Tony looked terrible. Haunted. Steve returned his cold glare with a hardened gaze of his own. Without any hesitation or doubt, he answered.

"Because I care about you."

"Yeah right, don't bullshit me!" Tony laughed harshly, running a hand through his unkempt hair. "I'm not my father. I'm nothing like your precious Howard! You don't even know anything about me."

"And I'm sorry I never tried. I never gave you a chance and that's not fair. But I want to now. I want to be a better friend and help you. That has to count for something, right?"

"I don't know how to be a friend." Stark said dejectedly.

"And I don't know how to help you through whatever it is you're going through, but I'm going to try my hardest."

"You don't want to know me." Tony snorted. "You just want to get rid of your own guilt. Don't worry, Captain, all is forgiven. Now go on your merry way."

"What has happened to you to make you such a bitter, stubborn bastard?" Steve shouted as he moved to stand in front of him.

"More than you would think."

"Why can't you see that I just want to make things right? Why won't you let me help you?"

"Because I don't want you to."

Steve kneeled in front of him furiously and once again grasped him by the shoulders, effectively making Tony look at him. Soft baby-blues met the tortured chocolate brown eyes of Anthony Stark.

"I'm not going to let you do this Tony. If that means I need to follow you around forever and never give you a moment of privacy, then fine. If it means I have to tell Miss Potts and the rest of the team, no problem. If it means that you will hate me and resent me even more, I don't care! I won't let you go Tony! I won't be far behind you if you do something stupid. Because I wouldn't be able to deal with knowing that I could have done something to stop you. I wouldn't be able to cope with the fact that I knew everything that you've told me tonight. I can't lose you too!"

By the time Steve had finished, tears had fallen down his face without his notice. One of his hands had moved from its place on Tony's shoulder to behind the man's neck, holding his gaze firmly in place.

"What do you want to know?" Tony chocked out after a stunned silence.

* * *

A/N: There it is, the second chapter. Let me know what you guys think…especially if you want more! There will be only about one or two chapters more. We are reaching the conclusion of this warped tale.


	3. Behind the Iron Mask

Behind the Iron mask:

A/N: Sorry it's been so long! I don't have any excuses. But here you go!

-I don't own anything. All I own is this silly plot.

* * *

Tony and Steve sat in the front seats of the billionaire's red Ferrari parked in the underground lab of the tower. For the moment, it was silent. Tony occupied the driver's side, nursing the cup of hot coffee Steve had made for him. The blistering liquid soothed the ache building in his throat from his earlier outburst. Steve sat quietly next to him, observing the destruction of the lab and Tony's other luxury cars around them. He didn't speak. He didn't even glance at the wounded man. And Tony appreciated the opportunity to gather his thoughts. How exactly does one tell the poster boy for America why they want to kill themselves? He wasn't even sure he knew the answer himself.

"You were all my father talked about." He finally said.

Steve drew his gaze from the dash to the broken man next to him, silently urging him to continue. Tony didn't return the eye contact, choosing instead to focus on the intricate grooves of the leather steering wheel.

"I grew up hearing stories about you. 'Captain America saved this many people on this day' and 'Steve Rogers sacrificed himself to save the world'. He idolized you. _**I**_ idolized you. I wanted to _**BE **_you. He spent the rest of his life trying to find you. So much that I became an unimportant factor in his life. A distraction. An annoyance."

Steve sighed and felt an unwelcome remorse rise like bile in the back of his throat. He swallowed hard as he tried to rid himself of it. Too often in the past 24 hours he had felt this guilt. There was nothing he could have done. He was frozen in ice. It was not like any of this was from his personal ill will.

"He was so obsessed with finding you that I think he lost himself. He began to drink heavily. And the more he drank the more he hated me. He resented me. Like father like son, right?" Tony laughed darkly.

"Tony, I'm…"

"And then he pulls this grand bullshit about me being his greatest creation." He cut him off. "It's such bullshit. I spent my whole life being compared to Captain Fucking America! I was never his greatest creation, you were! He made sure to remind me how useless I was. How worthless. How I could never be anything next to the amazing Steve Rogers."

Steve had heard enough. "You are not worthless. I'm so sorry that I had such an impact on your father and you. That was not the Howard Stark that I knew. And I'm glad I never met him. I would have punched his lights out."

Tony merely shook his head. Steve frowned and grasped the man's shoulder, attempting to offer comfort. But the older man shrugged off his hand. He reached up to his chest and violently twisted the arc reactor and removed it from its protective plate.

"It would be so easy."

"What the hell are you doing?!" The blonde asked with a sharp edge of panic.

"Relax, Steve, it can be out for a few seconds before it becomes life threatening." Tony halfheartedly assured as he listlessly reattached the reactor.

"Just, please don't. I know I'm behind on the technology, but I have no idea how that thing works or how to fix you if you were dying."

"Way behind, Cap, way behind."

Steve just gave him a tentative smile before pulling the lever to recline the bucket seat. He looked pensively up at the tanned roof and sucked in a deep breath of air between his teeth.

"My parents were extremely poor. Irish immigrants. I don't remember my father really. He died when I was really young. But my mother, Sarah, I remember her. She was beautiful. She had striking red hair and blue eyes like mine. She was all I had and I was all she had. And that was enough for us. There were times when we couldn't afford food, so she would work two jobs and did everything she could to make sure I had a warm dinner every night. She was so strong, but it wore her down. She got really sick, pneumonia, and just couldn't fight it anymore. She died when I was thirteen. I lived at an orphanage for the rest of my childhood. The poor living conditions made me the scrawny, sickly kid that was easy to beat up after school. There were times that I hated my life too. You're not the only one that has wanted to die."

"Why didn't you?" Tony asked quietly as he finally turned to look at the super soldier.

"I did." Steve whispered. "After school with a razor in the boys' bathroom…but I underestimated the maintenance workers' efficiency. The serum Erskine gave me somehow got rid of my scars…like Captain America was not allowed to have been so weak."

"What changed?"

Steve tore his gaze from the roof of the car and locked eyes with the man behind the iron mask. He saw a desperate need for understanding, a desire for hope, shining in the unshed tears pooled in Tony's eyes.

"I found a friend." He answered honestly. "Bucky understood what I was feeling and accepted me anyway. He looked out for me. He was the only one who made me feel like I actually mattered since my mother."

Tony scoffed bitterly. "Well, I don't have any friends."

Steve climbed out of the car and shut the door softly. He rolled up his sleeves and made his way around to Tony's side. Leaning to peer through the open window, he spoke simply.

"You have friends, Tony. You just have to wake up to see them."

* * *

A/N: Here's the end, folks. I really didn't want to drag this story out. And besides, I'll let all of you create your own endings to where they go from here. I hope you all enjoyed! Leave me reviews and I might be inspired to do another story.


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